Jaime Bronstein is a relationship therapist, coach and host of “Love Talk Live” on LA Talk Radio. She was named the “#1 Relationship Coach Transforming Lives in 2020” by YahooFinance. For the past 20 years, Jaime has guided people from around the world as they navigate the peaks and troughs of dating and relationships.
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John: Welcome to another edition of the Impact Podcast! This is a special New Year’s new you edition of the Impact Podcast, and we have got today Jamie Bronstein’s cheesy relationship expert. Welcome to the impact podcast, Jamie.
Jamie Bronstein: Thank you so much for having me today. I am so excited!
John: I am excited because who does not want to bid adieu to 2020 and get on to a new better you in 2021?
Jamie: I think all of us have never wanted a new year to come in more than now.
John: That is so true. Before we get going, because, we have so much to cover today and so much for you to share with our audience. I want you to share, though, your background is leading up to becoming the relationship expert the Jamie Bronstein backstory.
Jamie: Sure! So I always say that this whole thing started the minute I popped out and was named because my name in French means “I love”. J’-a- i-m-e and…
John: You are saying this whole thing was destiny?
Jamie: It was predestined, it is naming sake. My parents knew they are “We are going to have the relationship expert.”
John: Perfect! I love it.
Jamie: So I mean, all I can remember is, I have always loved to love it. Sound a little cheesy, but it is my truth. I have always loved, loved, and from the moment I took my first psychology class in high school, game over. I mean, I could not get enough about learning how and why people do what they do, why they say what they say. I just could not get enough of it. And then, cut to the college Psychology major, I got my master’s in social work, and then years later I got my certificate in Spiritual Psychology. So all of these things come together with the fact that I was born to do this. It is hard to explain but I just truly love helping people and that is it. My empathy is off the roof. It is my empathy and my love of helping people specifically either finding lab working on the relationship and then going through a breakup or divorce. It lights me up, and it makes me feel alive.
John: Jamie, how many years have you been doing this professionally?
Jamie: I have been doing this for over 20 years now.
Jamie: It is crazy because I feel like how is that possible?
John: Well, it does not look possible. What I want you to cover today is so many different aspects of relationships because all I read about when I listen to different news items is how challenging these times and been to relationships, and how people are doing almost a review of their own lives or where they are right now. So, you know, I just want to start from the beginning. Give us the baseline what are the important aspects of a successful and happy relationship when you are counseling people in your profession?
Jamie: So I have a cute little thing that I like to tell people. It is basically ACTV. Okay, if you have air conditioning and TV you will have no problem. ACTV stands for something. It is authenticity, fashion, trust, and vulnerability. I used vulnerability but I changed it to value so we are going to go through that.
Jamie: Okay. Authenticity, you need to be completely authentic in your relationship. You need to show up as yourself completely. You are not judging yourself, you are not judging the other person, you are just completely authentic showing up as you. This goes for dating and relationships. Compassion, means once again, you are not judging the other person. You are able to rise above, look at the other person, see that they might have limitations that they are just showing up as who they are. Trust, of course, trust, is you want to be able to trust the other person but actually trust is more about your intuition and trusting yourself because when you trust yourself, you can trust the other person or not trust the other person. So in order to have trust and a relationship you have to be in touch with your own intuition. “V”, like I said used to be a vulnerability, but I felt it was a little too much along the lines of authenticity so I changed it to Value. This means that you value who you are with, you look at them as a special gem that you feel lucky to be with this person, and you let them know how much you value them. So ACTV, get some air conditioning and TV.
John: I love it! Talking about it, I want to go back to the authenticity part of it. What is the opposite of that? What would people show up if they were not authentic? What are they being? How do you bring them into that position so they can be their true self?
Jamie: People most often and so they do this work are showing up with their insecurities, their unresolved issues, and things that could have happened in seventh grade or from a parent or past relationship when you were in your thirties or twenties. It just gets in the way of having an authentic relationship and you being able to show up as you are authentic stuff. So the work that I do with my clients is I help them get past those barriers that are preventing them from showing up authentically, like unresolved issues, triggers negative narratives that people tell themselves like “I am not worthy of love, I do not deserve love, I am stupid.
Jamie: Whatever it is, I help them to be able to access who they truly are. The person that they were born adds before life got in the way.
John: I got you, you know. I have read prior to this interview. I have read a lot about you, watch a lot of your interviews. For our listeners out there, our viewers who want to find Jamie, and learn more about all the great important work she does, you could go. I am on the website right now. It is therelationshipexpert.com. You can find Jamie at therelationshipexpert.com. We are going to talk about some other areas that you could also access Jamie as well. But you talk about self-love as the key to life and I am not sure what that means. Can you share with our viewers what that really means?
Jamie: Absolutely. Everything starts with our love for ourselves. I Believe In the Law of Attraction, which is that everything is basically a projection and a manifestation, and a reflection of what is going on inside of us. So it is important to be able to love yourself unconditionally, which means, with no judgment, you are forgiving yourself from the past and everything. The concept of loving yourself and this self-love is important when you are manifesting love and when you are in a relationship because everything is a reflection.
John: I got it, it makes sense.
Jamie: So the more you have loved yourself and you know that you are deserving of love, the more that someone is going to love you unconditionally and treat you as if I am turning the light once more. I am sorry.
John: That is okay. Do you have more to give them as well, if you are able to self-love or you have more to give your partner as well?
Jamie: Exactly! Yes, when you love yourself… This is not a cocky thing, this is not like showing up in the world being narcissistic and vain. It is not. It is a very subtle peacefulness inside that you just know who you are, and you know what you have to offer, and you know that you are deserving of love just like everybody is. You just show up with more joy and you see you want to give more love.
John: Got it! Got it! Got it! One of your favorite sayings that I have heard you say in some of your previous work that is on your website is, “Life happens for us, not to us”. What do you mean by that?
Jamie: Okay, this is one of my favorite things to talk about. People are walking around every day in victim mode. This happened to me. Of course, this happened to me again. It is me you know, feeling very defeated in life in the relationships and in life in general. So when I say that life happens for us, not to us, that means that everything good and bad no matter what it is, happens for us, for our growth and upliftment. They are opportunities for us to learn what we need to learn. I have a little fondly thing to go along this also, to teach. So when you are, let us say you are in the mode of life that is happening for me. You are living in the present moment. In order to manifest, you have to be present. In order for life to happen, you have been present. When you are in victim mode, and life is happening to me, you are living in the past that never works. So I work with my clients and I try to inspire people to go from victim mode to thriving mode, lack mode to abundance mode, and depression mode to joy mode. It is victim lack in depression, low vibrations to thriving joy, and thriving abundance and joy. Another thing that I want to mention that is so important is that the Universe gives you what you focus on, and it gives you more of what so it is like you always hear gratitude. If I feel gratitude even if I do not have any money, I have just two pennies, I feel grateful for those two pennies. The universe will give you more. If you are in victim mode, the universe is going to validate that and give you more reasons to feel like a victim.
Jamie: You are in the thriving mode, abundance, and joy mode, the universe is going to give you more reasons to feel all of those things.
John: That really makes sense. I have always thought of it myself as a two-pronged choke approach. Never as a choice that you can wake up in the morning either being a victim to our circumstances. Everyone has a reason, they could find a reason to be a victim or you can just decide you are going to be a Victor on that day, so it is Victim-Victor. But I love the way you are taking it. You know, we are leaving, we are still now taping this episode at the end of December, but this is our new year, new you episode of the impact podcast, Jamie. So we are focusing on looking forward not looking back. But Covid-19 has created a fascinating and long-standing now 10 months of literature about what it has been doing to people as couples, and relationships, and people taking inventory of what is going on in their lives and where they really want to go when science wins. We all get vaccinated and we go on to a new better, hopefully, a new better. What have you learned with your practice as the expert, as the relationship expert with your client based on what you have learned also in your profession from the population that you serve? What is really going on and how are you coaching people to go find a new better 2021 and beyond?
Jamie: So what is coming to me is, a lot of things that people have been working on our acceptance, and then also how do you deal with the unknown and the uncertainty? Acceptance, accepting what is so important in life whether it is this or anything else because when you are in resistance to anything, it can never get better. You can never get healed, you can never move past it. So it is about accepting it and not resisting what is going on all your feelings. Everything is going outside and everything is going on the inside accepting it and not resisting it and then the whole unknown, people of controlling and if you have ever met a human before…
Jamie: Humans love to control and control is an illusion.
Jamie: We can control what we put in our mouth, we can control what we say, but the truth is that we can not control other people, we can not control Covid, we can not control things. Once again, it is about surrendering. Okay. I am just going to surrender this perceived control that I have and then I am free. So this is how I am helping my clients. It is dealing with the unknowns just surrendering to it, and accepting and not resisting.
John: Has the fact that we have had to shelter in place with either a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a husband and a wife or partner, significant other? How is that change? Because this is more close-quarters than we have ever been before with one another, number one. Number two, we are also missing whatever has been on our historic social outlets and that creates all sorts of other confusion in our brains and our emotional set. How is that now reflecting back on how we feel about ourselves and how we interact with our significant others?
Jamie: I just like to offer people that you had to give yourself a little slack, to give each other a little slack.
Jamie: Many couples, individuals have come to me and they say, you know, I feel so guilty because I want some time. I just need to get away a little bit. It is okay, it does not mean you do not love your wit. Humans and humans are not, we are not meant to spend twenty-four-seven together in a small place.
John: Right. Right.
Jamie: No, just be gentle with yourself, be honest with yourself, and it does not mean that there is a problem in the relationship. We can get to that later if you want to, but legit, you know, some people really are having major…
Jamie: It is okay. I have also been, just been offering people that, to have a sense of humor, everybody is on top of each other. It is about acclimating. It has been 10 months, people are kind of getting used to it but they are still resisting it. So it is like getting through it, but yet not being in survival mode because that is a little victim me. How can I thrive, which sounds funny to say thriving during this time? But how can I thrive in this and once again, it is about acceptance, it is about, this is a great time to learn communication skills, to communicate more how you are feeling with the other person. You cannot have all us up. You cannot hide. They are always there.
John: Compared to pre-Covid to now, how much is the man for your kind of services in the profession? Increase, they flatter, decreased. Is it I would assume you are going through some sort of boom period of your profession. Is that true or more people coming to you and saying “I need help here. I do not know how to really get through this.”
Jamie: Very much, yes. I mean my business has been booming, which…
John: That is great.
Jamie: …grateful for, but here is the thing. These are things that people needed to deal with, that they have not dealt with yet. So it is like, thank you to Covid for having this time to slow down because these issues were already there. So it is just bringing them to the forefront. People are being more honest with themselves and realizing that they do not want to go on with the rest of their lives feeling this lack of peace inside for whatever reason it is.
John: For those who just joined us, we got Jamie Bronstein with us today. She is the relationship expert. She is talking about a new you in 2021, how to improve your relationships, how to make a better yourself, so you can be better in a partnership or relationship. Jamie, are people really excited about getting vaccinated and being able to go see their friends and family again? Is this going to be a new appreciation for all the things that we used to take for granted or is that going to fade away after the initial excitement wears off? The initial one or two times of getting back together and seeing everybody who might have bored you to tears before or might have just been a yawner. But now we are just excited to get back with them and see them in person because we are all desperately missing that social interaction, family interaction, friendship interaction.
Jamie: I think about that a lot because I think about like sometimes for instance when I have a cold or something and I am down for a few days and I am like, “I just appreciate being healthy so much.” Time goes by so I have to remind myself to appreciate my help. So I think about this a lot for myself and others. Our people are going to, it is going to be like a memory of the past, and whatever that happened, and then people do not really appreciate the freedom of hanging out with a friend or going on a date at a restaurant. So I hope that people do not take it for granted and that it stays with them and they will always cherish this freedom because to me that is what it is. We are lacking this freedom to live. I really hope in your conversations like this, remind people to never take all of these little freedoms for granted ever again.
John: One of the things besides having a very successful practice you also have now started your own radio show, live radio show every week in L.A. Can you share with our listeners what is going on on your weekly live radio show and how they could find that and access that as well.
Jamie: Yes sure. So I started Love Talk Live. It is an LA Talk Radio about two and a half years ago, and anybody can tune in it is Live every Monday at 5 p.m., Pacific time. It is on Facebook Live, and it is also on the LA Talk Radio website. It is on Apple Podcast, and it is also on my website therelationshipexpert.com. I started it because, first of all, I always said I could talk to a wall like I could just, I loved talking especially about my favorite topics which are love and relationships. So I started it because I just wanted this venue this outlet to be able to talk about every aspect of love every week with a different guest and my guests are everything from relationship coaches experts to doctors, scientists, people in the spiritual world, anybody, and everybody, a sleep expert. I mean it is a wide variety and you can write the great thing about how you can find the episode you would like to see is either on my website or the L.A. Talk website. At least either our radio website or Apple Podcast. All the shows are listed with different topics so you can see what resonates with you the most.
John: What is resonating the most when you look at the most downloaded episodes or most listened to episodes of what you have been doing in terms of your radio show pot which becomes also a podcast because it gets recorded? What are people tuning in to the most? What are they desperately seeking that you have to give in terms of your expertise?
Jamie: I believe that it is what I have seen is that people really are grabbing onto these spiritual concepts because it helps people know that there is another way that they do not have to be suffering anymore and that they can view the world through different perceptions through different eyes and that is what I do in my practice, and that is what 99.99% of my guests and I talked about.
John: But explain that a little bit more. You have said your spiritual psychotherapist or what does that mean? I, myself, confused by that, but it is fascinating to me. Can you share what that really means for our listeners?
Jamie: Yes, and actually everything that I have been saying, little bits here and there it is all sprinkled in our spiritual concepts, but you do not know that they are necessarily spiritual concepts.
Jamie: You focus on the universe will give you more of things like that. But in general, spirituality to me means that you are able to rise above and look at your life and to see things in a different light. To see that it is like I said before, “Life happens for us, not to us.” That is a spiritual concept. You do not have to feel like a victim and suffer that you know that by just changing your vibration becoming more positive you can bring in more positivity. It really helps people like not to be in this victim mode but a huge, huge, huge part of it as I said before is “Learning how to show up in life as your authentic self.” That seems like life through the eyes of your soul because your soul is who you were born as. So that is when I say these things, it is people seeing that they get very empowered to realize that .they can show up in life so differently and then their life will be different.
John: Oh got it. Got it. Got it. You know Jamie 2021 is upon us, is going to be months before we are all vaccinated and things of that such. Do you have a top two to three tips that you can give our viewers and listeners? Help them make it through the home stretch here. People are fatigued, people really want to get back to their new better or at least normal, but people really seem fatigued right now when you look up the recent stats on Christmas holidays. Last year, two and a half million people traveled on the Christmas holidays went through TSA, this year a million and a half. So people did not even meet the stay-at-home orders. People just wanted to be with some of their family, friends, and others. How do we get through this home stretch, which seems like going to be another three to six months before we get some sort of either herd immunity or vaccination going? What are some of your greatest suggestions so people can get home safely now and get to the other side safely?
Jamie: The first thing that I want to offer is, “Trust.” When I say that I mean Trust, that this is happening for a reason which I know like when I say that my heart goes out to the people that have lost their lives and people who have lost people that they love so I do not mean… it is hard. We might be like, “What do you mean that this person died for a reason?” When I say trust, it is a tool that people can use. It is trusting that… For me, I am working on this book that I want to get published and feeling like, “Oh my God”, it is going to be even longer until I can do an in-person, meet and greet, you know?
Jamie: So that is a silly little example. Whatever it is in your life that you are feeling like this is holding me up. You know, I encourage you to trust that there is a reason, it is all planned out. The timing is going to be right when it is going to be right. Also, you have come this far, you can now see that you are able to adapt and that is a quality that maybe people did not have before you were able to be flexible, you are able to adapt. Things will get better, they are going to get better, they always get better. If you have not taken this time yet to do this work to look inside to slow down to see, to look at your life, and see things that you want to change, how you want to grow. I encourage you to look at the rest of this time this slowing downtime, this quiet time not running around as much to take that time to look at yourself, look at your relationships, and to feel grateful for this time rather than I wish it was over, which we all have our human moments.
Jamie: Human moments and then I catch myself.
John: Jamie, when you are counseling people, first of all, given the pandemic, we are still going to live through right now and we have months ahead of us. Are you accessible to your clients and potential clients via Zoom? Is that how you do your meetings?
Jamie: Yes. Thank God for video conferencing and see we are doing this.
John: Right, right, right.
Jamie: Yes, I see my clients on Zoom. I have clients in London and Australia,
John: So it is not just L.A. It is around the world, your practices worldwide.
Jamie: Yes, and it can be fun sometimes figuring out what time is the session. I am making sure about the time zone, but we make it work.
John: Is it mostly men that come to see you? Women or couples? What is the mix of people that come to see you for your help and advice?
Jamie: It is everything. I have individual men and women, and then I also have couples that show up as well. So my couples, they do individual like one of them sees me and then the couple sees me as well. I am very flexible that there are a lot of psychotherapists out there, relationship experts that do not do that necessarily but I also see like daughter. I mean, I have a couple that I see and then I see their daughter, then sometimes the daughter and the stepmom.
Jamie: We are also unique and so I like to cater to the needs of my clients to help them in the best way possible.
John: That is so interesting. Jamie, you said at the top of the show you have been practicing for around 20 years. So you have seen the analog relationship now go online to this whole bumble-tinder explosion. Has that been for the greater? Good or bad? Where are we going post-pandemic? Is it going to be more in person and people going to do things more analog again? Meet at bars or restaurants or for coffee or is the Tinder Bumble Revolution going to just take off even further?
Jamie: So the great news about that there has been more online stuff before you meet in person is that people are actually slowing down and forming deeper connections before they meet was not happening before. People are rushing into things they get so excited and then it crashes on burns, you know, they think “I found the one” but I say it takes at least six months of a lot of time together to really know somebody.
Jamie: I think it is amazing that people are getting used to this maybe this will continue to take a little bit more time before you actually meet in person to vet out, people and then also to form a strong connection, but I think only time will tell in terms of our people going to continue doing more of this online stuff. I always say to my clients that are single should just get online get on the apps. You never want to look back and feel like you did not do everything to manifest this right person. At the end of the day, it does not matter how you met this person. You met them and that is all that matters.
John: That is all that matters. I know you and I have talked offline before and I know one of the goals that you have in the upcoming year and beyond as you are writing a book and it is about manifesting love. Can you share a little bit about what you want to get into the book and what you want the readers to take away from that book when it does come out?
Jamie: My purpose for this book is to help people that are on their manifesting long journey to end up with the person that is right for them. Not a random person, not someone they settle for, and this takes that work inside to do the work to really get to know yourself, to love yourself, so that you actually are able to attract that right person or you. This book has some of my dating stories, stories of my husband, and also stories from clients. I do not use their names and I specifically going into different dating personas so that you can identify. Oh, this is me. Like, I am the chameleon, I am the one that changes myself and every relationship or, I am the one that attracts the unavailable. I will just say, unavailable men. My book is for women attracting a man so I want to give too much away. My book is for women attracting a man. So if you have always been attracted to an unavailable man, then you can work on this by reading that particular chapter.
John: Got it. What is your goal when your book comes out?
Jamie: I just trust…
Jamie: Trust the universe because I am human and believe me, in these past few months, sometimes I need to catch myself with okay, but this was supposed to happen already. So I do not know when it is going to be published.
Jamie: But I know it will be published and I am guessing within the next year too.
John: Perfect! That is wonderful. Any last thoughts about dating and relationships for our viewers and listeners? Because dates are going to start happening again in in-person relationships or are going to hopefully bloom in the New Year where all of us are hopefully going to have a better year than we did the last year. 2021 and beyond has going to be better for all of us. Any last tips you would like to share before we say goodbye to 2020? And hello 2021?
Jamie: Yes. So I am just going to share my favorite topic which we talked about a tiny bit is your intuition.
Jamie: Because this is something that some people do not think they have
Jamie: Some people just have not…It is a math muscle, you need to strengthen it just like any other muscle so I encourage singles out there and couples to take the time to look inside and trust themselves with anything and everything. I am happy to work with you on that because I know that people do struggle. They do not know if it is fear, intuition if it is… they do not know. When you know how to connect with your intuition, it is life-changing. So it is your strength, power, freedom, magic that you have been looking for in your life. So that is my gift to you, work on that intuition and everything will get better.
John: You were saying that if you work on your intuition, that will be your secret superpower.
Jamie: Absolutely! The secret superpower.
John: For all of our viewers and listeners, to find Jamie, and to hire Jamie if you want some help either to make yourself better, work on your intuition, work on self-love, or get your relationship better. Please go to www.therelationshipexpert.com. Where else can they find you Jamie on social media?
Jamie: Yes. My Instagram is therelationshipxpert but it is just an “x” not “ex.” The relationship with the letter x-p-e-r-t. My Twitter is @theluvexpert, l-u-v expert, and my talk show is Love Talk Live, LA Talk Radio on the LA Talk Radio website, or like I said before Apple podcasts or my website.
John: Jamie Bronstein. You are definitely making an impact. You are helping us all become better. Thank you for sharing your tips with us today. Thank you for being with us today. I cannot wait to have you come back on the Impact podcast to promote your book when it comes out.
Jamie: Thank you so much for having me. You are all amazing. I am so grateful to have had this opportunity and I hope you have a wonderful New Year and everything ahead.